Coming from a small town where there is little more to do than drink, drive and fight, I can tell you I seem more than my share of fear feigned as bravado. 

Fights, parking lot doughnuts and seeing who can chug the most beer are just some of the actions of a teen trying to quell the voice inside saying you’re not worthy, acting out to find inner peace. 

I am embarrassed to say I’m guilty of them all. The reality is the internal struggle of trying to be comfortable in your own skin is akin to walking naked through your childhood school, holding a loudspeaker and shouting, “Go about your business, nothing to see here.”

Yet, for some reason, momentarily being the centre of attention as you chuck a beer or do a burnout seems to be the perfect place to hide. 

Raw eggs and bravado

I have always been humble and compassionate, but I cringe when I think back to my teens and early twenties. I made some extremely poor decisions fueled by raw eggs and bravado!

I had no idea who I was, and I sought my identity in the validation of others. External validation was the stimulant of choice; if it were possible, I would have mixed it in with our coffee.

Biceps and back were the order of the day, EVERY DAY! Leg day would have to wait.

Stacking plates and quoting Ronny Coleman in the worst southern accent we could, “Lightweight, nuthin but a peanut!” We wanted to be “swol“, and nothing was going to stop us.

I don’t believe anyone would have accused me of having an ego, but I most definitely didn’t have the emotional awareness or mental fortitude to understand that my efforts were solely for the benefit of others.

Check your ego

Now, two decades, two craniotomies, and five rounds of radiation later, I find myself back in the gym with half the ability, lifting weights I once used for warm-ups. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and my ego occasionally creeps in.

Whether it’s the guy on the squat rack trying to show off in front of my wife or the fresh-out-of-uni personal trainer offering “just a few pointers to fix your squat there, mate!”—blissfully unaware of my history and that the old me could have shown them both up without breaking a sweat.

A younger, less emotionally aware version of me would have reacted and corrected them. Instead, I let it go and leave them to their assumptions, knowing their opinions are not a reflection of my effort or ability but simply their incorrect assumptions.

I’m fortunate enough to have developed the self-awareness to identify my ego before it makes the decision for me. These days, I take a deep breath and let out a long mutter, “stronger than yesterday.” It’s small, but I remind myself why I’m there, and although I’ve taken a marathon of steps backwards, I am one step ahead of yesterday.

I won’t pretend it’s easy, and some days, it’s unbelievably difficult to ignore the monkey on my back screaming, “You’re not worthy!”

The reality of being physically less capable hasn’t diminished my ambitions; if anything, it’s fueled and focused them more than ever. I have developed the humility and inner confidence to suppress my need for external validation. I push that feeling aside and remind myself I am worth more than my shortcomings.

Ego can so easily corrupt your ambitions, and we are all guilty of letting our need for external validation creep in and corrupt our best intentions. Ego can also manifest in our personal lives and can be far more damaging than making a fool of yourself at the gym.

Ego can be difficult to identify in the moment, so whenever possible, try to interpret why you are feeling and acting a certain way; consider…. is ego at the wheel? Try to rationalise why you are feeling the way you are.

If your frustration stems from the fact that you “need to be right”, “need to be heard” or “need to save face“, then this is ego driving, and you should park it instead. Redirect or come to terms with those feelings instead of allowing them to manifest into poor decisions.

The alternative is ego-debt

Ego is debt

Yes, ego is debt! Physically, emotionally, and even financially – it is over-compensation, and you will eventually have to pay for decisions made by ego!

When I add more plates to outdo the 20-something Chris Bumstead wannabe, I know I will pay for my ego for the rest of the week as I hobble around to the sound of my wife on repeat. “You let your ego get the better of you! I don’t wanna hear about it! – EGO

When you buy that shiny new car on finance with the large monthly payments because the car in your budget wouldn’t impress the neighbours – EGO!

When you down a pint to impress your mates, knowing tomorrow will be miserable – yup, you guessed it, EGO!

When you don’t let someone help you and struggle alone, even this is ego.

You pay for your ego in more ways than you realise, and not only does your ego come to collect later, but it also holds you back and stunts progress.

Identifying Ego

If you find it difficult to show or feel genuine gratitude, humility, and vulnerability, or if these actions feel strained or unnatural, you may let your ego lead you more often than you think. Identify the situations where these feelings feel forced, and try to unpick why these emotions don’t come naturally.

• Do you struggle to give praise or express gratitude to those you perceive as inferior? That’s ego.

• Does it feel awkward to say please and ask for help because you fear looking weak? That’s ego.

• Do you feel the need to dominate conversations and always be the centre of attention? That’s ego.

• Are you quick to dismiss others’ opinions because you believe your perspective is superior? That’s ego.

• Do you resist admitting mistakes or apologizing, even when you know you’re wrong? That’s ego.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step in managing your ego. By acknowledging and addressing these behaviours, you can foster more genuine connections and a healthier sense of self.

Self-awareness quells ego

So now that you know what to look for, how do you overcome it? Well, the answer is simple, but there is no quick fix. It will take work, and it starts with self-awareness and willingness to change.

Ego is often not easy to identify yourself, so seek out people you trust and respect for honest feedback. Then, you must confront these uncomfortable truths and work towards overcoming them.

Much of your answers are going to come from self-reflection. Practice compassion, gratitude and self-respect. Simply put – the next time you regret a decision, question whether you could have done it differently.

Gratitude, humility and patience pull people in; once you identify your ego and repair the void’s ego masks, watch as people gravitate towards you more easily.